


nott says fuck trent ikithon

by nonbinarywithaknife (littleboxes)



Series: me sobbing about critical role [33]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Fluff and Crack, Gen, hijinks on the sea, nott has no time for trent ikifuckyou, this is essentially a long form shitpost, trent ikithon gets the bitchass death he fuckin deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 18:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17986676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleboxes/pseuds/nonbinarywithaknife
Summary: nott throws a rock (two, actually) at trent's dumb face





	nott says fuck trent ikithon

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by @calebgast's tags on this(https://calebgast.tumblr.com/post/183067057153/theres-no-comma-3-stars-not-enough-bread) post: #if trent ever somehow found him i wouldve loved to see caleb throw a rock at his head and watch him fall over into the ocean  
> // 3.16.19 edit for readability and formatting

There's a bright flash and a loud bang, and before anyone can react, there's an aging wizard standing on the deck of the Mistake.

He laughs, slowly, in a voice like spilled lantern oil dripping down rusted metal, and says, "You thought you could hide yourself from _me_ , Bren? I admit, I’m almost impressed, but- I always get what I want, in the end."

Caleb is frozen in place, eyes wide and slightly vacant. As Nott looks on, he is _clearly_ nowhere near the mental state required for this. As the saggy wizard starts boasting, she digs through her pack, and retrieves a couple of hefty looking rocks.    

"Hey, shitface!" she yells.    

He looks over towards her, his face warring between anger at being interrupted and disgust at being forced to acknowledge a goblin.

Before he can even sputter with outrage, Nott launches the rock at his face. It hits him bang on the forehead, and he stumbles backwards, nearly falling off the boat.

She cheers a little at the gobsmacked look on his face. 

"What-!" is all he can choke out, before another rock hits his forehead, making him topple off the edge of the boat and into the ocean.   

"Hell yeah, fuck that guy!" yells Beau from where she’d just come up from the interior of the ship.  

  Nott scampers up to the edge of the ship, and sees him weakly trying to swim closer. She pulls out a vial of acid, and aims right for the shining bald spot on his head. There's a sound of smashing glass, and then some _very_ satisfying screaming. She watches him sink into the watery depths until his body is visible no more, and then brushes some imaginary dust off her shoulders.   

"Well, there's that done. Caleb, what do you want for dinner? I feel like you deserve something nice for having to deal with that walking barrel of grease for even a second. I'll go let Clay know, I’m sure he’ll be glad to help," she says, taking her wizard’s hand and leading him over to a quiet corner of the ship.   

Caleb is staring at her with wide eyes. "That was- he- one of the _most powerful_ mages- the _empire_ \- _what_ -?"

Nott crosses her arms. "I'm not letting some stupid wizard with the constitution of a kidney bean hurt you, Caleb, who do you take me for?"

**Author's Note:**

> this was very satisfying to write


End file.
